Ah, beautiful Jamaica! If you’re looking for a spot to relax by a pool all day, do some snorkeling, eat delicious food with delicious cocktails, and watch breathtaking sunsets over the Caribbean Sea, this is where you want to be!
But here’s the trick with Jamaica: It’s a beautiful island, but you can have a pretty miserable time if you don’t know what you’re doing out there. Not all of the locals have your best interest at heart. I’ve talked to several people about visiting Jamaica, and they’ve all said the same thing: It was so better the second time because I made all of my mistakes the first time!
Well, if you’re reading this, that means you can learn from (and maybe even be entertained by) my mistakes!
And don’t worry: There are great companies out there, and I’ve linked to my favorite at the end of the story!
Seven Mile Beach: What To Expect
My first “error” in the trial & error process was trusting Seven Mile Beach. I like to consult TripAdvisor when I head to a brand new location, and TripAdvisor ranks Seven Mile Beach in its coveted #1 spot. So we booked a small, inexpensive hotel just a few short steps from the sand, intending to spend most of our time there, as well as take a few excursions out to the various jungles and waterfall adventures.
Look. Seven Mile Beach is beautiful. It’s a beach on the Caribbean, how bad can it be?
Well…pretty bad, once you look past what is some undeniably gorgeous scenery. The problem with Seven Mile Beach is that you can’t take a peaceful stroll along the water’s edge without facing some level of harassment the local vendors. Would you like some ganja? I have a farm! Would you like to have your hair braided? I can braid your hair! Would you like a bracelet? Look, I made you a bracelet! Would you like some ganja? I have a farm that’s better than that other guy’s farm! The only thing you can’t get is left alone. And if you’re coming from a big, hectic city to a beautiful, Caribbean island, that’s probably the thing you want most of all.
Where We Went Wrong
This is where we made our first mistake: Trusting anyone on Seven Mile Beach.
About half a dozen people approached us offering tours to other “destination” spots on the island, and as it happened, we wanted to visit YS Falls to do some zip-lining and waterfall jumping. Finally, a guy who didn’t totally give us the creeps offered his touring service. His name was Alex. He seemed really sweet and sincere, and we didn’t get the vibe that we would get ripped off. He introduced us to some of his friends, who greeted us with hearty offers of cocaine. Because that’s Seven Mile Beach hospitality.
We politely declined the cocaine, but we did arrange for an excursion out to YS Falls with Alex for the next day, informing them that we had dinner reservations in the evening (for my birthday!). They said they’d be able to take us to YS Falls and Pelican Bar if we met them in the morning. We said that sounded great.
From Seven Mile Beach to YS Falls
Cut to the next day. Alex meets us and passes us off to a few of his friends. The next thing we know, we are in a rickety truck with Alex and two other guys. One guy is driving, one guy is just hanging out for the ride I guess? He didn’t really contribute anything.
First off, it’s worth noting that if you’re staying in the main part of Negril, the more adventurous attractions of Jamaica are reachable by car, but it’ll be a long, bumpy ride. Fine, no way around geography I guess. But along the way, these guys would offer to pull over at the store for Red Stripes and water, and we’d agree. Then they’d say, “Oh, about $15 should cover us.” So apparently we were buying Red Stripes and water for the entire car, which wasn’t our original intention when we’d agreed to stop in the first place. The whole ride was riddled with little sneaky shenanigans like this.
So they drive us out to YS Falls, we have a great time, but we don’t actually have time for Pelican Bar after all. Funny how we are still expected to pay the full price.
The Drive Back: It Gets Worse!
We start on the ride back to make it to our dinner reservations, stop at a fruit stand because I wanted to drink from a coconut (which, of course, turns into buying fruit for the whole car). Kindly, they kindly open it up for me with the machete that they were keeping in the back of the car.
Oh good. The guys who offered us cocaine also have a machete.
As we are driving back, it starts pouring rain. In Jamaica, they call it “liquid sunshine.” But this was definitely a lot more “liquid” than “sunshine.” No problem, a little rain never hurt anyone…except this rickety old car, which can’t handle the puddles in the poorly paved road.
So engine floods.
Four different times this car breaks down, and each time, my husband has to get out of the car with the rest of the guys and PUSH it until it starts again. What’s he gonna do, say no? We have a dinner reservation, and they have a machete in the back.
"Hey, How About A Tip??"
We make it back to the hotel, soaking wet and late for our dinner reservations, and these guys demand that we give each of them a tip.
Does “get your carburetor checked” count as a good tip?
Nope.
Apparently about $60 per person is closer to what they had in mind. Well, we’d already blown all of our cash on feeding these guys and purchasing admission to YS Falls. Oh, and of course the tour itself, which was neither cheap nor complete, as we didn’t have time to make it to Pelican Bar as promised. We gave them what we could, which wasn’t what they considered enough, and they complained loudly about it. The next day, when we tried to enjoy our breakfast at the outdoor restaurant along Seven Mile Beach, Alex wouldn’t leave us alone. We spent more energy trying to avoid him than we did relaxing. This was not why we came on vacation.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Don’t trust just anyone in Jamaica to give you a tour! There are so many beautiful places to go, but you’ll want to stick with a reputable company.
Would you like to meet my favorite?
LivUp Jamaica Tours
For a reputable, scam-free touring experience, you want LivUp Jamaica Tours. These guys are a relatively new company, but they’re the real deal, and I will NEVER be booking a tour with anyone else again.
LivUp Jamaica is run by honest, hardworking, kindhearted people who aren’t just looking to make a quick buck off of dumb American tourists. At the helm of this company are a man named Chevon AKA “T.I.” and a woman named Joelle. T.I. is a born-and-bred Jamaican who loves his island and loves to introduce its beauty to everyone! He’s super laid back and easily one of the friendliest people you’ll ever meet. That’s a true Jamaican for you.
T.I.’s laid-back vibe is balanced out by Joelle, who is from New Jersey and is NOT running on “island time.” She is responsible and reliable, and you can count on her to handle the logistics for your tour. LivUp also provides a clean, comfortable car.
And guess what! I didn’t even have to push it through a muddy ditch! And that’s what vacation is all about!
Have you ever gotten scammed on vacation? I’d love to hear your story in the comments!
